Feb 20 (Notten)
Mar 25 (Hans)
Mar 31 (Michael)
Jun 15 (Topy)
Jul 24 (Anton)
Aug 13 (Hanny)
Aug 27 (Danya)
Oct 02 (Antoon)
Dec 30 (Trudy)
Anton (first born)
Danya (second born)
MY 3 WIVES
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Water Colour by Hanny (without permission)
Our former family home on the Berg en Dalseweg 474, Nijmegen, Netherlands.
The new owners have capitulated the garage and more recently the house has undergone major renovations with the addition of another floor.
When we first moved in, the gardens were one big mess of tall weeds. There also lived a couple upstairs (Herman & Marie van Haaren) who stayed on for a little while, occupying one room.
Michael referred to Herman as "De Sluipmoordenaar" (he had a dark complexion).
This site is for the benefit of the family in order to see the big picture (alas, to no avail). It aims to raise awareness of the affects of betrayals and subsequent disintegration of this family. Over time we have descended into a bunch of sociopaths.
We are a family of hate for each other and very few friends. In the following pages it will become apparent why this is so.
Pa had a 'Social Personality' and Ma had an 'Anti-social Personality' (the reason why they never were a good match). This has reflected on us children with some of us leaning towards Pa's personality and others towards Ma's. Aside from Pa, there is also a general lack of good humor among us (typical of anti-social personalities).
Effective communication does not exist, with any issues usually finishing up with ceasing of communication (same as Ma). To this family, discussing means forcing your views on others. No meaningful dialog.
Members show little interest in each other, and because of that it is assumed others take no interest either, so in turn nothing much is communicated. Then accusations fly of not being interested.
Starting from the death of Jan (Trudy's husband), only selected family members are advised of such events (Hanny and Hans were excluded from Topy's mailing list). In April 2017 in an email to Antoon, Topy mentioned in passing that she suffered a stroke but without giving any details. Again, at the time nobody informed the rest of the family (certainly not Antoon).
The examples shown on the following pages are for the purpose of demonstrating attitudes, with some added bitching here and there.
It also explains why there is virtually no communication between us and our respective nieces and nephews.
We should give some belated justice to Pa who has simply been labelled "A Violent Man" by Trudy (and likewise Hanny & Topy), instead of only justifying Ma's behaviour at every turn. The same ladies refuse to acknowledge any provocation by Ma.
However, Topy wrote "there is no reason to exonerate him".
Collectively, all we know is how to wind each other up and to rip us even further apart, even though we live continents away.
Hans niet te zien, zat nog in de boerenkool.
From left to right: Trudy, Hanny, Topy, Antoon, Michael.
Hans was yet to be born.
Photo taken around 1949. Pa's workshop is seen on the left (grafsteen platen van hardsteen). Hoek Frans Halsstraat/Tooropstraat.
Als je Hans boos wil maken, vertel hem dat hij genoemd was achter ons huisvarken...
Pa was an ambituous, honest hard-working man, and even in winter had to install tomb-stones in the snow and ice. Otherwise, many weekends and evenings were spent doing bookkeeping and other administration.
Ma, on the other hand, was a very suspicious person never willing to take part in important discussions. A very passive provocational woman which of course resulted in conflict and occasional violence, witnessed by us children. Pa often referred to her as the "doofpot" (Trudy has largely inherited that same attribute). By her persistant silence, Ma was the mental abuser.
Pa always wanted to immigrate to Australia or New Zealand as family, but Ma was secretly opposed. After years of delays, certain enquires were made and it turned out that Ma went to the Embassy in The Hague (together with Topy as a young girl) and cancelled the application behind Pa's back. No-one was told. Only decades later, Trudy told us of Topy's certain recollections to that effect.
Subsequently, at the age of 18, each one of us was strongly encouraged to skip military service (for the boys) and immigrate to New Zealand with only basic knowledge of English, basic education (most of it not relevant to New Zealand) and totally unprepared for the foreign culture. With hindsight, it would have been much better to have done the military service and continued education in the Netherlands.
There have been years where some of us were never in touch with each other, pre-occupied with carving out our respective lives. Later there was a family re-union at Antoon's house in Sydney (without Ma), and years later again at Topy's house in Christchurch (with Pa and Ma but only because Pa heard about it and jumped on a flight so he might talk about important matters with Ma. As usual, Ma didn't want a bar of it).
So what happened to us as family? The shit really started with Trudy ratting on Michael (to Wendy, his ex-wife) concerning his address (detailed in Trudy's page). Michael called it Family Treason, for which he was forced to go into hiding from the rest of the family.
Never any apology but plenty of justifications. Just like Ma's character. Over the years Trudy has maintained communication with Wendy, as do Hanny and her husband, relaying shit. No family loyalty!
To this day we have much contempt for each other (and getting worse). But how could it be otherwise... as children we were emotionally unloved, never received cuddles, never were read stories and were never taught by example (except for conflict).
Trudy justifies it all on the war.
In our last years on this planet, we are increasingly hostile to each other. As family we are clearly unable to have any decent discussions without forcing our own opinions on others, rather than trying to see each other's point of view.
The two ladies in New Zealand (Trudy & Topy) like to control the rest. Their lectures are not open to discussion and ban anyone who does not agree with their viewpoints.
Family re-union at Maroubra (Sydney)
Shortly after Antoon bought the house.
From left to right: Hanny, Trudy, Hans, Antoon, Topy, Michael, Pa.
Ma refused to come.
Photo taken around 1980.
Recently (35 years later) Trudy complained to Antoon that he did not make her feel very welcome, complaining she had to go out and buy a loaf of bread (on arrival). Ouwe koeien?
IN A NUTSHELL
These humourless people have essentially been murdering each other for years. Any normal family would be happy to visit each other from time to time and keep the peace, especially when living on opposite sides of the planet.
- Trudy rats on Michael to his ex-wife Wendy, enabling the ex-wife to commence legal proceedings against him (under another pretext).
- Topy expells Hanny from her life (the 'Hanny Affair'). Later she also expells Antoon from her life (for wanting to discuss how she had been pissing him off over time, great affecting his life).
- Michael steals stuff from Antoon, sends Antoon a nasty racist piece of work designed to psychologically kill him. Sends his lawyer on Antoon about a matter pending settlement. Then goes into hiding on account of Trudy's ratting on him. Refuses to repay Hans a substantial sum of money.
- Antoon having been pissed off by Michael, consequently declines to settle with Michael (on a disputed issue).
- Hanny upsets the family in New Zealand by considering it her RIGHT to have a special friendship with Roland (Topy's husband) and stay with him when visiting Christchurch. Later she insists on exercising her RIGHTS and FREEDOM when talking about visiting Antoon by refusing to assist (in a small but important way) in exchange for Antoon contributing to the additional stopover airfare.
- Hans habitually fails to reply to emails and later belittles Antoon with his views on what happens after his (Hans) death and encourages Hanny to exercise her RIGHTS and FREEDOM concerning Roland and later again with Antoon, further resulting in the destruction of family relations.
Pa told us that one of Ma's sisters spent time in a mental asylum. There is probably a connection there.
Michael's birthday card to Hans
Michael challenges Hans to write a true story on the dysfunctional family, but Hans is too busy with his website.
Alas, it required a few more words than 500...
TRUE STORY TIME:
'THE DISFUNCTIONAL VERPLAK FAMILY'
If you do not know where you come from, then you don't know where you are, and if you don't know where you are, then you don't know where you're going. And if you don't know where you're going, you're probably going wrong.